Flickr Photo: Jeremey BrooksIf you asked me for the sound bite version of my social media advice for nonprofits, it would be this: Lose control.

From where I sit, it seems clear that social media amplifies the ability of our stakeholders to do what they've always done: talk about us and our causes. We can't stop them.

But we can embrace it and figure out how to ride the coming tide.

Last Thursday, I participated in a session at the Minnesota Council of Nonprofits Leadership Program. Even though I was participating remotely -- they could see video of me through Ustream.tv and we had two way audio through ReadyTalk -- I really felt like I was in the room, and had the chance to do something I don't do nearly well enough -- listen.

The amazing Nicole Garst laid the groundwork for managing technology in your organization, especially all this newfangled social media stuff. By the time I entered, the participants had spent an entire lunch session discussing social media. They were ready to vent.

I heard a lot of interesting things from the room:

• I feel like a competent nonprofit leader, but this stuff is so new and unfamiliar. What if I can't do it?
• Participating in social media means losing my privacy. I don't want anyone to be able to know that much about me.
• Social media means putting yourself out there. What if what I put out there is taken the wrong way?
• We could really open our organization up via social media. And it could all go horribly wrong.
• Social media challenges traditional sources of information/authority. How will we be able to discern what's credible?
• What if our experimentation in social media leads to unintended (negative) consequences?

The participants shared a variety of concerns and fears, all of which centered on this idea of control. Control is an idea that resonates with me. I like control. I like being IN control. I dislike the notion that anything could just happen to me. I want to control what people know about me and my cause, what they say about me and my cause, and what they are sharing about me and my cause. I've only just come to terms with the idea that it's not possible to do that. It still makes me uncomfortable, but I'm over it.

It was pretty easy for me to sit back in my office and say (via video feed), "Get over it." Up until this session, I felt pretty good about that answer. To me, the idea that, to borrow from Charlene Li, the groundswell  is coming is obvious. To me, it's clear that we have to be ready to lose control.

I got the sense, however, that "Get over it" was not an answer that would fly with this audience. It's probably not a fair answer, either. It doesn't validate anyone's feelings, and that's not fun.

So I listened to the conversation. It occurred to me that a blanket "Lose Control" was not really my message, anyway. Yes, you need to let go of your message. Yes, you need to open up and become more transparent. But social media calls for even more control in one particular aspect of our work: our values.

For many folks just getting started with social media, it must feel like a lawless, anything goes kind of place. Somehow, because you can't control what people say, they will say anything. It's not a new feeling. Remember when nonprofits started using discussion email lists? We had the same conversations and fears.

The answer then is the answer now: you can't control everything, but you can control your values.

Any use of social media by your organization should be governed by your values, and you should make those values clear to your community participants. If you value a diversity of opinion, be clear about that. If you are looking to gather only like-minded people, be clear about that. Lead with your values, then be sure to uphold them.

It may not stop bad things from happening, but if your values are clear and present, your community will self-select into them.

And your community will support you when someone doesn't behave according to your values. I've seen this manifest itself again and again: A negative blog comment is followed up by community members responding in defense of the organization; a list member not following the terms of use for the community will be chastised by someone OTHER than you.

Perhaps the best examples out there are wikipedia and Craigslist. They both have very clear terms of use, and their values are reflected there. The community members uphold those values on behalf of the leadership every day.

Isn't that the place we want to be, where our stakeholders feel so much ownership of our organizations and causes that they actively work to uphold our values?